


Derek the Sexy Fireman Stripper

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [22]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Humor, Law School Derek, M/M, Miscommunication, Stripper Derek, fireman derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek was never a Sexy Fireman Stripper.  Really.  Just.  He never held either of those jobs, OK?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Derek the Sexy Fireman Stripper

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Derek the Sexy Fireman Stripper](https://archiveofourown.org/works/935017) by [chatain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatain/pseuds/chatain)



**Stiles:**  So, I’m applying to grad schools. Could you help me for a bit?

**Derek:**  Yeah, sure. You know, I did two years of law school before coming back to Beacon Hills.

**Stiles:**  You are hilarious. I can’t believe I didn’t know you were such a comedian.

**Derek:**  No. Really. I was going to do a joint PhD thing.  I went to…

**Stiles:**  Dude. We all know you were a stripper. And a fireman. So, wanna have sex? I could really use the stress relief.

*some time later*

**Scott:**   Hey Derek.  Isaac is visiting Stiles so they can study for Con Law together. Wanna go work out or something?

**Derek:**  I always enjoyed Con Law. What are they studying tonight?

**Scott:**  Dunno. It’s like, nerd stuff. Like Plussy. And her furry son? And his right to go to a different school? Whatever. How about we bash our abs against trees and see who gives out first?

**Derek:**  That sounds completely stupid. I would much rather look at the integration of—

**Scott:**  Dude.  Don’t use words you don’t understand. 

*later still*

**Peter:**  Hey! Derek! I don’t understand this payment system.  Come and help?

**Derek:**  Sure! I took a bunch of finance classes in undergrad. How can I help?

**Peter:**   Well, this says it’s three dollars for a lap dance, and fifteen for a private show. But what if I want five lap dances? Do I have to pay for them one at a time? Or is there a signal strippers understand or something?

**Derek:**  What? Also, couldn’t you just tell them what you wanted?

**Peter:**  The club I am going to is Ukrainian. Duh. Anyway, you were a stripper, so I thought you might know secret stripper codes and stuff.

**Derek:**  I WAS NOT A STRIPPER!

**Peter:**  No need to get huffy. Your mother put herself through school pole-dancing. There’s no shame in that. Actually, that’s how she met my brother and I….

**Derek:**  Gah!

*still later*

**Deaton:**  So. We have a problem. The alpha pack has challenged you to a battle of wits. There is going to be a series of logic puzzles, and then you must complete a sudoku.

**Derek:**  Well, sudoku isn’t really my thing, but I do love logic games. I was the president of my college’s Mensa club…

**Deaton:**  Now is no time for jokes! They specifically demanded you be the only one to participate. Stiles cannot help you with this.

**Derek:**  Well, he doesn’t have much patience for those things anyway, so…

**Deaton:**  Here is my plan. We will get the female alpha to be the contestant from their side. You will then remove your shirt…

**Derek:**  Yeah. Yeah. I get it. You think I was a stripper. Do you know how I put myself through law school? Huh?  By winning fucking chess tournaments!  And being an organic chemistry TA! And…

**Deaton:**  No need to get stroppy. Everyone does a few jobs they aren’t proud of. I was a exotic dancer in my day, so I know what you’ve been through.

*still later-er*

**Chris Argent:**  Well, I can’t say I’m happy about this, but I suppose you can date Scott. I mean, it could be worse. At least he isn’t a stripper. Or a fireman.

**Derek:**  I’m standing right here! Also, why are firemen bad now?

**Chris:**  Sorry. A sexy fireman.

**Scott:**  Sir, I promise I will never become a stripper, a prostitute, a sexy fireman, or even a sexy police officer.  Or any of the other jobs Derek has undoubtably had.

**Derek:**  Yup. Still right here.

**Scott:**  Allison, wanna go study for that really hard final we have? I still don’t get that “lazy fair” thing.

**Derek:**  Laissez faire! Laissez faire!

**Chris:**  Well, at least he doesn’t sit at home punching himself in the abs to make them look better. Like some people.

**Derek:**  Still here.

**Chris:**  Yeah, why haven’t you left for your night job? You can only get tips if you’re there to dance, Derek.

**Derek:**  Gah!

**Author's Note:**

> If you are interested in more frequent updates, I will be updating this series on tumblr almost daily at this point, and probably only weekly here. So! Follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores). 
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope. I mean, I have a Nairwolves fic coming up. So anything you send, I will at least try to fill. :)


End file.
